Thursday 17 May 2012

Getting Back At It

I have wanted to teach and do research for a long time. A very long time. When I found out that I was expecting, I swore up and down that it would not slow me down, that I would still finish "on time" (whatever that means). I would still graduate with my PhD, and would go on to teach at a university, and maybe even run a consulting business on the side. The possibilities were endless....

Now, 5 months post-birth, I find myself toying with the idea that maybe my priorities have shifted a little. Life just doesn't seem as simple as it used to. I can't just go to school and spend 6 hours working at my computer. I can't be present for all of the meetings and workshops I would like to attend. And to be honest, often I don't want to be. I love being home with McKenna and seeing her grow up. While I don't think I am cut out to be a stay-at-home mom in the long-term, I am enjoying this time we have together immensely. I'm starting to think that maybe my career ambitions need to be scaled back a bit to accomodate more of a family life.

Recently, McKenna has started going to a home daycare three days a week. Two of the days I am teaching, and the third day I have set aside to work on my dissertation. Tomorrow will really be my first real day back at it since I had McKenna. Sure, I have collected data since then, but I haven't sat down and written much of anything since December. I'm dreading it. I feel like I'm starting at the beginning again. I no longer feel like a curious, competent graduate student, I feel like a tired, overworked mom. But I want to do this. I am so close to being finished, and I know that I would always regret it if I gave up on this degree. Whatever it takes, I will walk across that stage someday soon. I just need to buckle down and force myself to get back at it.

1 comment:

  1. Barbara Stockton9 July 2013 at 23:51

    So, what have plan did you follow? I think it would be a good idea to finish what you’ve started like your phd dissertation. That way, you can still have the opportunity to teach and be a professor even if you don’t want it yet in the meantime. Anyway, whatever you did, good luck with it!

    ReplyDelete

While comments are welcomed and appreciated, any offensive or degrading comments will be removed.